Shut it Down

nointerrruption:

nointerrruption:

how come your lips dont touch when you say touch but they touch when you say separate 

image

  die Mannschaft + text posts  part 1
jess  fifa  
"A lovely young girl lies on a bed in the dark listening to a fairy tale,” I said. “But she’s naked and the storyteller’s hands are all over her."

The Last Werewolf, Glen Duncan (via hotelsongs)

whimsicdoctor13:

algrenion:

chel-the-fabulous-asstec:

lalondes:

kevinprices:

lalondes:

if you sold all your eggs you would make $3.2 billion

your uterus is worth $3.2 billion

#and a nutsack is worth like $25 and half a pb&j

I JUST REALIZED THAT THIS MEANS EVERY TIME YOU HAVE A PERIOD YOU LOSE $8,000???????????? TERRIBLE

Maybe that’s why we get so emotional

#this is it #we cracked it #the secret of periods

did you just make an egg pun

sadurday:

oh man the best is when a dude is like "you’re not wife material." fucking good. i want to be totalitarian dictator material; blood sucking life ruiner material; fucking bulletproof immortal drug lord material. not your fucking wife you gross asshole. 

ranyakumo:

"you were named after two of the bravest men i ever knew" "you never gave me a name" "exactly. men are cowards"